I will find you and I will slap you — Dear Clapper who Runs, You’re probably never going to read this. I’m still writing to you because I’m a loser. I always have been. I put “open letter” in my title so you might see at least that and open my letter. How clever of me! You presumably won’t even…

The persistence for passion over money — Tom and Angela had just finished reading stories on Large online platform. Before they went to sleep, they checked their daily stats to ensure that they hadn’t been picked up by the Large algorithm. Knowing they were still bottom readers is what makes them sleep every night. Large Large is a…

You know you are the love of my life — Hey Katy, I feel awful after what happened last Saturday night. It took me 3 days to realize what I did at that party. No, it’s not because of my hangover. I needed time to do some intensive research to prove what I did that night wasn’t exactly cheating. I…

The Mike Ross next door — Hello! I am Srini. I am a naval architect who designs and builds ships and boats. I have a Master’s degree in Maritime Management. I love the ocean and all the things that float. Life is all about floating after all, metaphorically speaking. If you are familiar with Mike Ross…

Please tell me afterlife is a bunch of nonsense — My dearest Lizzy, I hope you’re doing wonderful wherever you are. You know I don’t believe in the afterlife. Yet, I hope you’re having a life if not the time of your life even after your sad demise. When possible, give me a sign if you somehow do exist somewhere…

I don’t wear hockey pads — Dear Michael, Should I call you Mike? I don’t suppose you know me but I know you. But this might ring a bell — people call me The Happy Burglar. Sure, I requested them to call me that only because I’m happy and a burglar. I’m happy because I’m a…

Did you think it was nun of my business to know? — Dear Sister Agnes, Three nights ago, six hot girls in nun costumes attended my stepsister Megan’s Halloween party at 9 p.m. As soon as I saw those girls, I couldn’t help but flirt with all of them simultaneously and individually. All of them flirted back and rightly so. …

Because my friend’s love life is more important than my life — After spending my evening at The Vienna State Opera, I was dreaming in my bed that I was dreaming at the Opera. Opera shows will do that to you. I heard my phone ringing to disturb my dream within a dream. It was my friend David. Usually, I don’t answer…

Ghosting is to avoid attention, whereas unghosting is to seek attention — You love ghosts so much that you decide to become one. You’re not scared to ghost the girl you’ve dated, your friend, and/or your hot and cold crush. You’re thinking about ghosting your family too — because why not? If you’re someone who loves to romanticize everything, here’s something for…