Published in The Haven·PinnedMember-onlyThe Night I Played Sherlock Holmes While Being Drunk As a SkunkIt wasn’t elementary, my dear Watson. — During that Saturday's late-night happy hour, my close friend Marta did not look happy in our favorite Amsterdam bar. She and I were sitting totally hammered with nothing more to talk about. Blue Marta Turning Red Marta She stood up without much enthusiasm and went to the restroom — again. After 10 minutes, she came…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in The Haven·PinnedMember-onlyAn Open Letter to All The Clever People Who Clap And RunI will find you and I will slap you — Dear Clapper who Runs, You’re probably never going to read this. I’m still writing to you because I’m a loser. I always have been. I put “open letter” in my title so you might see at least that and open my letter. How clever of me! You presumably won’t even…Open Letter4 min readOpen Letter4 min read
Published in The Haven·PinnedMember-onlyI Know I Cheated on You, But Let’s Get Back TogetherYou know you are the love of my life — Hey Katy, I feel awful after what happened last Saturday night. It took me 3 days to realize what I did at that party. No, it’s not because of my hangover. I needed time to do some intensive research to prove what I did that night wasn’t exactly cheating. I…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published in MuddyUm·PinnedMember-onlyHow Walking Helps My WritingDon’t write off walking — As the future best-selling author of more than 250 novels, I’ll be often asked how I’m able to write every day. I’ll tell you— walking. Walking makes writing look like a walk in the park. I never walk in the park, though. Too many kids. I have pedophobia. A Stanford…Satire3 min readSatire3 min read
Published in The Haven·PinnedMember-onlySeinfeld Taught Me One Important Lesson in LifeIt changed my life for the better — If you’re a Seinfeld sitcom fan, you not only know that most underrated lesson but have also applied it in your life at least once, even without you knowing. In fact, everyone must have. …Humor5 min readHumor5 min read
8 hours agoMember-onlyHow Norway Helped Me To Become Super HumbleThere’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness — I used to be confident in everything I did in life. After becoming an ardent fan of Suits, the staggeringly arrogant lead character Harvey Specter subconsciously turned me into a cocky person. There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness. That line became invisible to me. After I moved to…Humor6 min readHumor6 min read
Published in MuddyUm·3 days agoMember-onlyPossible Reasons My Bookshop Doesn’t Have a Perfect Google RatingLeave on a high note — I reveal the whodunnit as soon as the customer pays for their murder mystery book at the counter. Reveal how? Obviously by whispering into their left ear. I speak (not narrating) to the customer in Joe Goldberg’s voice from You whenever they fake smile at my mediocre but original book…Satire3 min readSatire3 min read
Published in MuddyUm·5 days agoMember-onlyHow To Write the Perfect Confrontational EmailPerhaps I misunderstood — People use e-mail to avoid face-to-face confrontation. NO ONE is good at face-to-face confrontation. Your entire confrontation email should only be a couple of sentences. Say only what you mean. Do not start your email by using formal phrases such as — Dear Susan, Hiya Susan, Hello Susan. You don’t…Satire3 min readSatire3 min read
Mar 18Member-onlyYou Do Not Want Me Around When I Am Drunk“You, of all people, should know that, Srini!” — (Fair warning: If alcohol is a trigger for you, please avoid reading this article.) It was Norwegian Constitution Day. May 17 is when everyone in Norway, including cats, has the license to get utterly wasted, not that I ever need one. The license. Not cats. …Satire9 min readSatire9 min read
Published in MuddyUm·Mar 15Member-onlyWhat I Wish I Texted The Girls Who Have Blocked Me On TinderI make good jokes when there is a tough crowd — What I Wish I Texted: I dare you not to block me. Also, I dare you to learn some French. What I Texted: You know what British girls tell me? YOU ARE UNBLOCKABLE, SRINI! French girls? Tu ne peux pas être bloqué, Srini! Italian girls? Mamma Mia!! What I Wish…Satire4 min readSatire4 min read
