All the Compliments I’ve Received in This Decade, Translated

“I seriously thought you were 17!”



Photo by Jeffrey Reed from Pexels

“I am SO happy you found such a gorgeous girl to settle down with! You totally deserve her!!”

“She is WAY out of your league and you know it.”

“I can’t believe you wrote this article! It feels like understanding an art!! Inexplicably beautiful!!!”

“You genuinely look like you don’t even know how to spell art, let alone article.

“I seriously thought you were 17!”

“WHY and HOW are you still poor?”

“Wow, your caption is SO funny!”

“You’re astonishingly boring in person and you know it. Your caption knows it, too. But, in all fairness to you, you do look funny.”

“Wow, you look exactly the same for a while now!”


“Your Instagram profile picture is the best picture among all your pictures!”

“You have literally one mediocre picture and every other picture of yours should be DELETED, not only from Instagram but also from iCloud and iCloud knows it.”

“I named my cat after you!”

“Just like you — He thinks he knows everything. He’s agonizingly philosophical. He’s so full of himself. He’s as lazy as a billionaire’s last-born daughter. He really doesn’t know how to make friends. His only friend is his Barbie Doll. He’s as boring as watching an old woman watching paint dry. He eats everything he sees. He drinks beer more than he drinks milk. His girlfriend is WAY out of his league and he knows it. His profile picture on his Instagram account is so good he has 28 followers for that alone.”

“I think it’s wonderful that you have so many friends! I envy you!!”

“Do all your friends even know you exist? I pity you. Wait! Is your friend’s name actually Barbie Doll?”

“I can’t believe your girl ghosted you for good. Let’s be honest. You are WAY out of her league and she knows it!”

“What did you expect? I’m genuinely happy for her. She dodged a bullet and you know it.”